Not Fearless.

Second guessing.

One of the banes of my life, seriously. All day, 'ery day. And since I'm such an analytical person, I will have argued my way around, over and under everything, at least five times before I finally make a decision to move forward. Or not, as the case may be.

Way back in the day, when I was an awkward, shy and incredibly quiet teen living in Loveland Colorado it was a little bit of a different story because that person left all the decision-making up to the people she admired; the confident, outgoing kids, because there was no way she was going to show how painfully scared she was.
Haha.. if I introduced you to the family I stayed with, they'd tell you that I'd look at the ceiling or the walls, before making eye contact with anyone for months. I'd learned to have a half-smile on my face so that people wouldn't think that I was unhappy, or figure out how much I silently begged everyone to let me stay away so that I wouldn't have to talk.
It took me around 2 hours to talk thru going to a volleyball game at a park because I couldn't make the decision to go. The day was gorgeous outside, with the Rocky Mountains towering in the background of the valley and white clouds floating lazily in a crystal blue sky on a breeze that had scented hints of crisp fall weather and red fir trees.

So no.. it wasn't that I didn't want to go. And I sat and had around 6 reasons that I could stay if I was needed at home, like dishes or laundry or walking the dog.
Long story short, I ended up going.
I had the time of my life. Who coulda guessed that one? But for me, it was a huge step for me, and a wordless agreement with God who probably laughed His head off at my shivering, scared self that I would start living with less fear every day.

I write #strongertogether on a lot of my posts, and there's a lot of history behind that tag. The story above is part of it.
There's a lot of truth behind the saying, 'Everyone has a story'. And you know, I find it so crazy that I'm out almost every day, talking to people who I've never met before, making friends, creating an atmosphere of welcome and comfort, finding out how their family vacation was, asking about their day, listening to a sad story of loss, and all this over a simple cup of coffee when several years ago, I couldn't look people in the face. It's like a wait; what?? moment for me.

Interesting fact, that glimpse into my life is one of the reasons I love coffee shops. I wanted to create a place that, no matter who you are, what you do, where you've been, you are always welcome and I will always have a moment to say hi, ask how you are, give you a smile, and do my best to make you feel welcome because I know what it's like to feel like a stranger for a long time. There's a few things that unite almost all walks of people; its usually food, and coffee. (or tea, and I actually really like a good green tea!)
Looking at where I was then, and where I'm at now sometimes I blink and am like.. say what?
But it's part of my learning to live with less fear every day.
Less fear of second guessing.
Less fear of people.

Less fear of tomorrow.

Not completely fearless;

Just less fear than yesterday.